5. On a recent pursuit of connection

A recap of my solo date to Yung Pueblo’s book tour

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has continued to read this newsletter. Every week I get a response from someone about how they enjoyed it, or it helped them in some small way, and that sense of purpose and connection is truly what gets me out of bed these days so I cannot tell you enough, thank you. If you haven’t subscribed yet please consider doing so and feel free to share with any friends or family you think might enjoy! Seeing this community grow is so special.

I was going to send a totally different newsletter this week, I had written about 80% of it, but last night I changed my mind. And the beauty is, this is my newsletter, and I can do whatever I want! Honestly, that feels fantastic. Creative freedom is one of the great joys of this experiment - I get to write about what I want, when I want. So, last night I went to a poetry reading. Or a book tour. Or a symposium on what it means to be human. Whichever one you want to call it. And when I got home, I knew I had to write about it. I was excited to write about it. And that’s the general theme of my life at this moment, following the threads of what excites me. Hoping that if I continue to do so they will eventually lead to an exciting life of purpose and fulfillment.  

When the right book finds you

I have gotten a LOT of book recommendations over the past couple months (if you’ve sent me one, thank you!). My ‘to-read’ pile in my nightstand is teetering frighteningly high, but one can only process so much self-help knowledge without spontaneously combusting and meanwhile my latest fantasy novel is calling my name and alas, it’s going to take me awhile to get through them all. But one book I have read in its entirety (practically twice at this point) is Yung Pueblo’s Inward. It appeared in the mail one day, sent by my dear cousin Maggie, who is one of my favorite people and role models. I was somewhat familiar with Yung Pueblo’s work, after all I’m a girl in her mid-30s who spends too much time on Instagram and is a sucker for catchy quotes, but I had never sat down with one of his books. (I also strongly believe that books find you at the right time.) It could technically be described as poetry, but there’s no flowery imagery or vague metaphors. Instead, it’s 224 pages of wisdom, broken down into little bite sized chunks. Some pages have only a line or two, others a few stanzas, while some have shorter snippets of prose. It’s an incredibly accessible style of writing; anyone could pick it up, read a few pages and walk away a bit lighter.  

The selfie I sent to Maggie when Inward arrived.

I made it a habit to take the book with me to my evening yoga classes outside on the bluff here in Long Beach (it’s slim and perfectly sized for a tote bag). Before class started, I would roll out my mat, settle in, and read a few pages. There would always be one or two that struck a chord, and I would use them as inspiration for my practice. My copy is now lovingly grass-stained and full of dog ears (editor’s note: I am generally opposed to dog-earing and insist on using a bookmark or a receipt but in this case, I love to be able to quickly flip to my favorite passages and revisit them). Then, lo and behold, Yung Pueblo’s Substack appeared in my feed. Then he announced a book tour for his new book The Way Forward, with a stop in Los Angeles. The Los Angeles stop also happened to be hosted by Yoga With Adrienne, another longtime favorite of mine. It’s funny how the universe works sometimes, isn’t it? I bought two tickets for the event and hoped that I’d be able to find a friend to accompany me.  

Seeking inspiration.

Downtown LA on a Monday night

Fast forward a few weeks and truth is, it’s hard to get anyone to commit to going to an event in downtown LA on a Monday night. Trust me, I get it. The traffic alone is a reason to say no. I had already resolved that if I couldn’t find a date, I would still go by myself. (This kind of bravado comes from my mom who frequently goes to movies, concerts and other events by herself.) So even though this past Monday was particularly tough, and I was already very much in my feels I took a shower, got dressed, called an Uber and drove the 45 minutes to downtown LA. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a bit nervous. My nerves were eased however when I arrived and realized there were several other people attending by themselves. I found a seat in a back row, next to two other solo travelers and did my best not to look at my phone while we waited (a task that I ultimately failed because at this point our brains are hard wired to look at our phones, especially when we are alone in public which is a cultural phenomenon in and of itself. Also ‘alone in public’ is a bizarre oxymoron).  

While we were waiting, another girl walked up to the row in front of me, which was occupied by three friends but had an empty seat on the end. The exchange that follows was absolutely *fascinating* to me.  

New Girl: “Is anyone sitting here?”  

Girl #1: “No, it’s free.” 

New Girl: “Oh great well we’re going to be friends tonight then!” (holding out her hand) “Hi, I’m Mikaela.”  

I watched in utter awe as she introduced herself to the three friends, each sharing their name and shaking her hand in turn. They settled into an easy conversation about what part of LA they were all from, and how they heard about the event. I was shook. Who does that? Who walks up to total strangers and just introduces themselves and starts talking to them? Her easy breezy confidence blew me away. I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a shy person, but I tend to exhibit a healthy amount of ‘keep to yourself’ when interacting in public. I was perfectly happy in the back row with my book, but witnessing this exchange I couldn’t help but be somewhat envious. I’ve been so hot on cultivating ‘connection’ lately, even going so far as to call it one of my core values, but here this girl was absolutely living it. I was blown away, and the event hadn’t even started yet. (PS if you are this person I want to hear from you and know your secrets! Please share).

Some bits of wisdom

I won’t regale you with a full breakdown of the 90-minute conversation between Diego Perez (pen name Yung Pueblo which translates to “young people”) and Adrienne but suffice it to say I laughed, I cried, and I left feeling determinedly hopeful. A few of my favorite moments: 

1. “Allow impermanence to be imbued into your being” Diego shared this directive when talking about change. All beings change, all the time. And when we resist change, when we try to force ourselves to stay the same or to remain in a past version of ourselves, it creates unnecessary friction in our lives. When we embrace impermanence, it allows us to move through the world more freely.  

2. “Focused on developing wisdom and nourishing the community around us” this came from an audience question that asked, “In this healing generation, what do role models look like?”. In response Diego shared about two of his meditation teachers who live relatively simple lives, choosing to dedicate their time to developing wisdom and nourishing community. Consider this my new mantra going forward.  

3. “There’s a difference between ‘I am sad’ and ‘Sadness is moving through me.’” Woof, this one hit me like a gut punch. For those of us with intense emotions it can be hard to separate ourselves from the emotion when it feels as if we embody it entirely. But the subtle shift from “I am depressed” to “I am currently experiencing depression” creates some much-needed space, some breathing room, and reminds us that we are not our emotions. That we can instead choose to acknowledge the emotion, then allow it to move through and transform.  

4. “Perfectionism is going out of style” Adrienne said this somewhat jokingly, but the sentiment is all too real. They talked about the “insidious attachment to perfection” that exists in our modern society and were both refreshingly honest about how they too suffer from this attachment. It can be hard to uproot, but as they say self-awareness is the first step and it’s comforting to know that a lot of us are on this journey together.  

One of my favorite works that they read at the event.

Needless to say, I left the event feeling a lot lighter. Somehow, a lot of the anxieties that had been rolling around in my head all day were no longer as big and scary. As if the knots had come undone and I could make sense of the patterns in the thread again. These are the kinds of conversations I've been craving lately. Ones that are refreshingly honest and forge connection. Ones that help you realize it’s not easy being human today and that we are all just out here doing our best. I know I am.  

As always, thank you for reading. Until next time.