32. On content that heals

A complete list of the books, podcasts, TV shows and quotes that got me through the hardest year of my life

Note: this is a longer post full of juicy links(!) so I recommend reading on Substack for the full experience.

A friend texted me the other week and vulnerably admitted how much she’s struggling right now, how her anxiety is currently at an all time high. She asked if I had any mental health resources to recommend, favorite books, podcasts, etc. to help her through this challenging period.

Well, you know who you are, and this post is for you.

This past year has been tough. Actually, that’s an understatement. In the past year I have fallen apart completely, shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. Every part of my identity has been challenged, and entire belief systems that I thought were working for me have collapsed. It feels as if I’ve been stripped down to my very core, and forced to confront what lies at the dark sticky center of self.

10. On my mental health breakdown

But then slowly, piece by piece, I’ve started to put myself back together in a new way. The picture is still not complete, but I can already tell that it’s changed. A somewhat distorted version of the girl I used to be, as if seen through wavy glass. It has been a slow and horribly uncomfortable process. But it’s gotten easier. I am working on getting comfortable in discomfort. On allowing myself to sit with my feelings, rather than running away from them. To trust and trust and trust some more that this path I’m on is the right one.

There have been innumerable tools that have helped me along the way. Therapy. A strong support system of family and friends. Writing and this Substack community. Then there are the treasures hidden in the Notes app on my phone. A compilation of books, podcasts, TV shows, and quotes that have pushed me from one day to the next. The content I’ve turned to when I’ve found myself lost, questioning, disheartened, and utterly aghast at the thought that I have to somehow keep going.

29. On finding a therapist

I’ve mentioned a few of these in prior newsletters but thought it worthwhile to compile them into one place for ease of access. Many were recommended to me by fellow rehabilitants and seekers, so if that’s you then thank you. I hope you find something in this list that’s useful or that at the very least, brings you comfort.

Without further ado…

Books

I will preface this section by confessing that I have not read all of these books. I am a fiction reader at heart and it’s rare that I’m compelled to finish a non-fiction book.

(For the first week after my breakdown all I read was Fourth Wing. Sometimes a saucy dragon fantasy is exactly what you need to dissociate from the horrors of real life.)

But I have sampled all of the below, and the ones I haven’t fully dug into come highly recommended by trusted sources.

Healing Through Words by Rupi Kaur

I credit this book with getting me back into writing, and healing me in the process. I’ve read all of Rupi’s poetry books, The Sun and Her Flowers is my personal favorite, but this is something special. More workbook than book it’s filled with journal prompts and writing exercises. In the beginning it feels awkward and silly (you want me to do what??) but it ended up being the most cathartic experience. I urged myself to do one or two exercises a day and it got me through the darkest days of my mental health crisis.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

An untamed account of how one woman listened to her “knowing” and made sweeping life changes in order to embrace her truest, most authentic self. And became a goddamn cheetah in the process. Reading it will make you feel wild and brave and ready to trust yourself.

Inward by Yung Pueblo

One of my yoga students referred to this book as being “full of truth bombs.” Yung Pueblo (i.e. Diego Perez) feels like he’s been beamed here from some idyllic paradise to show us all the enlightened path, but formatted into bite-sized chunks of wisdom for our modern ADHD brains. Part poetry, part prose, all love. Also check out his second equally wise book, The Way Forward.

The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest

This book will teach you how to get out of your own way and embrace change. I was hesitant to read this at first because Brianna is younger than me and my ego couldn’t handle it but that’s exactly what she preaches in the book. Ultimately it will help you to let go of past trauma and become the best version of yourself.

Heart Talk by Cleo Wade

I desperately wish I was best friends with Cleo. Having seen her on her book tour she is unbelievably warm, empathetic and seems like she would give the very best hugs. This book is filled with heart-warming poems and quotes that will lift your spirits and have you leaning into self-love. Consider it a gift to yourself.

Transformative Grief by Tracee Dunblazier

This book was recommended to me by my death doula/friend Kelly, who knows a thing or two about grief. Like many people I pushed my grief away, thinking it was so heavy I couldn’t possibly face it. This book will teach you how to integrate grief into your daily life in small, subtle ways so that it ultimately feels manageable rather than overwhelming, and how to be gentle with yourself along the way.

You Were Born For This by Chani Nicholas

It’s no secret I’m a big fan of astrology. It’s not a catch all, but I do think that having a general understanding of your birth chart can help reveal insights about yourself and your life path that might otherwise go unnoticed. If you’re curious about astrology and want to learn more, this is a great place to start.

Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee

When I read the title of this book I instantly clicked “buy.” It asks the increasingly important question, “We work feverishly to make ourselves happy. So why are we so miserable?” If you’re feeling burnt out by hustle culture then READ THIS. And if you need another reason, listen to Liz Gilbert who said, “This book is so important and could truly save lives.”

The Hero’s Journey by Joseph Campbell

This one was recommended to me by a few different people and I was unsure at first. I thought it would be too dry/academic, but it’s formatted as a series of interviews which makes it much easier to read. Joseph Campbell, the “Einstein of storytelling” explores topics related to the hero’s journey and our ultimate search for purpose as part of the human condition. Will leave you pondering some of life’s bigger questions with a healthy new perspective.

The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Okay admittedly I haven’t read this one but EVERYONE tells me to read it. It’s up next on my list, I promise! It explores how trauma lives in the physical body, something that I’ve had personal experience with, and ways to heal it. “Somatic healing” has become all the rage recently so I’m looking forward to learning more.

Podcasts

We Can Do Hard Things

These are my girls right here. You know that meme going around that’s like, “Inside Out 2 if it was filmed in my head”? Well, this might be my answer. Glennon, Abby and Sister form the perfect trio as they tackle tough topics with vulnerability and compassion. I always laugh, and almost always cry. Every episode is a reminder that yes, we can do hard things.

A few of my favorite recent episodes:

• 305. How to Self-Regulate, Heal Your Relationships & Accept That You’ll Never Be Finished

• 304. Break Up with Busyness & Let Go of Your To-Do List

• 303. Laziness Does Not Exist with Devon Price

• 297. REAL Self-Care: Burnout Is Not Your Fault & the Way Out with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

• 295. Inside an Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Session with Glennon & Richard C. Schwartz *also listen to the one with Abby/Sister!

• 288. Alanis Morissette on Highly Sensitive People and Empaths

Armchair Expert

Dax Shepherd may be a somewhat controversial figure but I find myself looking forward to this podcast week after week (a certified “Armcherry”) because I love the vulnerability of these conversations. Dax owns his shit, and you have to admire that. They’ve had several therapists and psychiatrists on recently that have covered fascinating topics from rituals to manifestation, but I also love whenever they have a surprisingly deep conversation with a celebrity, especially one you *thought* you didn’t like. They cover it all from childhood trauma to addiction to peeing with the door open.

A few of my favorite recent episodes:

• Cody Delistraty (on grief)

• Michael Norton (on rituals)

• Amy Poehler Returns *I love her and Dax’s honest friendship

• Orna Guralnik (Couples Therapy)

• James Doty (on the neuroscience of manifestation)

• Rebel Wilson

• Gabor Maté (on trauma and addiction)

• Minka Kelly

Other favorite episodes from shows I don’t listen to regularly:

• Good Life Project Dismantling Toxic Achievement Culture, Jennifer Breheny Wallace

• Being Well With Forest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson Self Compassion with Kristin Neff

• The goop Podcast What Your Shadow Is Trying To Tell You

• The Ezra Klein Show Boundaries, Burnout and ‘The Goopification’ of Self Care

• Living Myth The Wisdom of the Butterfly

• The Mel Robbins Podcast How To Build Real Confidence: 7 Truths To Unlock Your Authentic Self

TV Shows

I am a big believer in the power of comfort shows and feel good TV. I once heard it explained that the reason we love to rewatch shows is because it soothes our anxiety. We already know what’s going to happen so we don’t need to waste energy predicting different (potentially disastrous) outcomes.

Comfort shows are deeply personal but a few of my favorites:

Comedies - some with a side of drama

• Girls (duh), New Girl, Schitt’s Creek, Heartstopper, Bridgerton, Queen Charlotte, Ted Lasso, Sex Lives of College Girls, Never Have I Ever, The Summer I Turned Pretty, Wednesday, Such Brave Girls, Bad Sisters, The Gilded Age, Sex Education, Dickinson, The Great, Pen15, Daisy Jones and the Six, The Crown, The Buccaneers, Lovesick, Fleabag, Crashing

Reality TV - not a Bravo gal so feel good reality and low-stakes competition shows are my go-to

• Queer Eye, The Great British Baking Show, Blown Away, Interior Design Masters, Fixer Upper, The Great Pottery Throw Down, The Big Flower Fight, Next in Fashion, The Hype, Indian Matchmaker, Love On The Spectrum

*Note the heavy British influence in both categories… what can I say I love a period piece and am a sucker for an accent.

Quotes

Coming to you live from my Notes app, a carefully curated selection of words, gathered over the past year, that pierced to the center of me and helped me feel way less alone. Best read aloud for optimal absorption.

• “I’m not having an abortion Elijah, I’m having feelings. It’s different.” - Hannah Horvath, Girls

• “…a full body NO. That shit’s not for you, and it’s time to pivot. Sometimes the full body NOs are even more important than the full body YESs. And to not act on that, is wild.” - Abby Wambach, WCDHT

• “Suffering is discomfort multiplied by resistance.” - Kristin Neff

• “It’s amazing how when you take care of yourself, the universe takes care of everything else.” - Liz Gilbert

• “Do not wallow in guilt, Silver One. Whatever you feel is natural. Allow yourself to feel it, and then let it go.” - Tairn, Fourth Wing

• “When you give your energy to something you want to feel like it’s being built upon, like it sparked something. Not like it’s just evaporating.” - a former boss/mentor

• “It doesn’t even matter what you do next because we are already so proud of you.” - one of my very best friends

• “It’s easier to love yourself into grace and alignment than it is to bully yourself there.” - Yoga Sue

• “The self is a boundless sea.” - The Prophet

• “Allow impermanence to be imbued into your being.” - Yung Pueblo

• “Find the story only you can tell, and make it on the scale you can make it.” - Lena Dunham

• “Don’t just do something, sit there.” - Sylvia Boorstein

• “The wound is the place the light enters you.” - Rumi

• “I’ve learned that making a living is not the same as making a life.” - Maya Angelou

• “No matter how careful you are, how creative you are, or how much positive thinking you do, at some point we ALL experience disorder and disruption.” - Eckhart Tolle

• “You don’t know what you’re going to become. Trust that.” - Mel Robbins

• “The should have it all can really fuck you up. We should be able to do this. Well the thing will always remain that we are human beings, and should helps us not at all.” - Glennon Doyle, WCDHT

I would love to hear from you, which books/podcasts/TV shows/quotes are your favorites? Which all important ones did I miss?? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could compile one big mental health library of healing content for everyone to access (let me know if this already exists…)?

Until next time, thank you for being here.

P.S. if you enjoy reading this newsletter it would mean so much to me if you would click the little “heart” button below, leave a comment or share it with a friend. I am eternally grateful for your support.